Half-life, don't you see I'm breaking down...

I read through a lot of my very old blogs tonight as I watched the movie, "To End All Wars". The common theme I continued to "preach" was the idea of surrender. I've written about it recently as well. I think the reason I wrote about it so often was that I was somehow trying to engage myself with the idea in some subtle way. It was as if my writing about it would actually change my own life and show people that it was possible. The last thing I've done over the last five years is to surrender. I've been living a half life. One part of my life is surrendered and one part of my life is completely held back. I love the words Duncan Sheik says about the half life:

"don't you see I'm breaking down
lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?"

A life life with two opposing controls is like a man tied to two horses that both get swatted on the butt. Ultimately it will tear him apart. I think about the words my pastor spoke a while back: So many people want Jesus as Savior, but how many people actually want Jesus as Lord.

Giving up the "everything" for the only thing is what surrender is all about. Ultimately we have one choice and one choice only. Every knee will bow. Every tongue will confess. Ultimately we have once choice and one choice only. So if we have that one choice, why don't we live as though we are in eternity? Why is it so difficult to live with that in focus?

I wish surrender was easy. I wish falling on my knees and offering all of me were things that came naturally. Alas it doesn't. We fall because we stumble on our own stupidity, not because we worship. We depend not because we know its the only way, but because we got caught in our own way. Its time for all of this to end. Its time for me. Its time for you. So let's give up everything that looks enticing. Let's give up the hope of something temporal and seek only the eternal. And maybe just maybe we'll be surprised by the blessings of having surrendered hearts.

Surrender.